- It's my first time, what should I expect?
If it's your first time, we generally recommend that you take it easy, bask in the warm energy, enjoy the view, meet people and have conversations. We find often people who have never attended a play party come with unrealistic expectations. While it's possible you'll have a magical experience, with multiple partners, and end up with a beautiful heart-filled smile on your face... we encourage you to take the pressure off and just be open to what presents itself. Just being around a free environment that's this loving can be quite nourishing.
- What should I wear?
Wear what makes you feel sexy. Lingerie, kinky attire, costume.... You can bring a change of clothes if you want to arrive all stealth and then 'slip in to something more comfortable.' Some people bring multiple outfits and some come as they are. We do like it when you look nice, but whatever floats your boat.
- Do people have sex at Desire?
All types of engagement are welcome. You can have full on penetrative sex, you can have sexual touch, you can have kissing... and you can also have dancing, cuddling, observing, and even wonderful conversations. The only requirements are consent + desire. We encourage participants to follow their desire with consent (and we model that and practice that as a group before we start).
- How is Desire different than a sex club, swingers club, or other sex party?
We've never really been fans of sex clubs or most sex parties because, as attendees, we witnessed a lot of unconscious sex going on. Most of it felt very disconnected, both between the sexing individuals as well as there was no group vibe or collective feeling. The sex we witnessed would fall into a range of categories from novelty-seekers to performance-based exhibitive sex--none of which appealed to us. What we're interested in is true connection. Real, connected, sexual experiences (that need not be penetrative sex). Add to that a loving and warm community environment and you've got a solid recipe for all that magic you hear so much about from participants of this event.
- What kind of people attend?
We have singles, couples, threesomes, monogamous and polyamorous people, it's a great mix. Desire is also a private event and requires application. In the beginning we simply invited sexy friends that we personally knew. Over time they invited their friends and the Desire community grew. Now the application process is open to anyone who has taken a workshop with The Tantra Institute. We feel if you've done this, and you have a sense of our vibe, then we will consider adding you to our guest list.
- What is the structure of the evening?
The first 30 minutes is arrivals, people settle into the space, you're welcome to enjoy some of the food and snacks, take a tour of the venue and get comfortable. Then we start the facilitated portion of the evening. This includes logistics and safety info, consent and negotiation demonstration and practice, and everyone introduces themselves and shares some desires. Then we do some warm up connection exercises and at some point open it up for free play. Before the end of the night, we'll do a closing circle and share learnings, gratitudes, etc. It feels warm and cozy and people don't want to leave.
- Do I have to do anything I don't want to?
Never. You are always 100% at choice 100% of the time. We believe in empowerment and personal responsibility. We thoroughly review consent and how to ask for what you want, and we follow that up with a demonstration and group practice. Anyone who violates consent will be asked to leave--and thankfully we've never had to resort to that.
- What if I feel uncomfortable or I get triggered?
We have staff and space holders on hand that you can reach out to for any kind of support. Modern culture can be very desire-restrictive. Being in an environment where people feel liberated to follow their desire can elicit strong emotions or trigger our conditioning. Please reach out to a staff member. We also ask that you don't leave the space if you're triggered, as often the closing circle is a really great way to come down in community and ground into the space. And you're always encouraged to follow up with us after the event to check in with how you're integrating.
- What are Stations?
We sometimes invite experts to hold a Station. A Station is a place where an expert sets up to share their knowledge and participate with attendees. For instance, we may have a rope bondage expert come and set up a rope station, where anyone can come and engage, ask questions, or observe. If you're interested in offering a station for one of our events, get in touch!
- Is alcohol allowed?
Alcohol is not allowed. It dulls sensation, which is kind of the point of Desire. It also impairs your judgement, which means you lose the ability to give consent. So if you show up under the influence, you will be asked to leave without a refund.
- What is cacao and what are cacao ceremonies?
Cacao is chocolate in its purest form. It is 100% cacao paste made from heirloom strains of cacao native to Central & South America. Cacao ceremonies culturally take root to indigenous communities from Central & South America. Ceremonial cacao is intentionally made to serve this purpose paying homage to traditional practices of production and consumption.
- Why do you serve cacao?
Cacao is a heart opener, and a natural source for the neurotransmitters serotonin, tryptophan, tyrosine and phenylethylamine, which are associated with warm feelings of wellbeing, happiness, and can even alleviate depression. A natural, healthy, delicious (and legal) way to get your happy buzz on. And it's entirely optional, just like everything else at the event.
- How much cacao is in a serving?
We typically use around 33-35g in a serving at our event. By contrast, a ceremonial does is usually 40-50g.
- Who should avoid consuming cacao?
Individuals currently taking any SSRIs, antidepressants, low blood pressure medication, or those undergoing chemotherapy treatment should not drink more than 22-30g. Or, if your doctor has told you to avoid chocolate. The combination of medication and cacao can cause adverse effects when consumed in higher doses. Women who are pregnant should not drink more than 15-20g. This means if you do choose to partake at the event, you should drink half a serving.
- Does cacao contain caffeine?
The main stimulating ingredient in cacao is theobromine, it is in the same family as caffeine, however it's much more gentle on the adrenal glands, nervous system, and much more alkalizing. You'll love the elevated mood, focus, and motivation that it provides. It's a perfect compliment to play.
- Where does your cacao come from?
We get our ceremonial grade cacao from Soul Lift Cacao, which is sourced in Guatemala. *In some cases, some facilitators may source elsewhere and you can ask them.
